I thought I would do something today to feel a little alive
like maybe eat some popcorn or have a slushy;
roll the window down and turn the music up.
But those are little tricks
and they don’t work all the time.
I suppose they’re decent reminders though,
better than nothing.
The ironic thing, well, one of the ironic things
is that the medicine that’s supposedly killing the cancer,
or that I hope is killing the cancer,
is killing everything
and I am fully aware of this.
It’s like losing my hair;
not that I mind being bald
because it’s summer and I look like that dude on Breaking Bad.
But it’s too obvious to not notice…
that sort of thing.
It’s like how something once pleasant
like smelling a nice cup of coffee
makes me want to lose my breakfast
before I’ve even had breakfast
and that’s how the day’s going to go
and I know it before I even get out of bed.
I’m supposed to choke down these four pills in the morning
and then four identical pills in the evening, with food,
and of course the pills don’t have a taste…
you swallow them
and that shouldn’t be so bad.
But the water tastes terrible.